i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
