WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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