birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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