well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
