I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
