Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
