Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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