She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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