Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
