This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
