My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
