i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
