Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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