There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
