You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
