It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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