I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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