I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
