your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
