I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
