I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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