Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
