oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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