I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
my shit smells like andre
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
