you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
