so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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