saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
