so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
