21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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