It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
