How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
