ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
