She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
