Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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