so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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