i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
