I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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