so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize