i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
