and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My bed smells like the plague
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
