i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
