First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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