giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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