She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
