One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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