i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wish you could order shots online.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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