This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
