woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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