I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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