i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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