It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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