Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
