I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
