sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
