Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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