We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i need some magic done to my vagina
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