im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
What drink are we having for lunch?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
