I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
