When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
