I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
