Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize