The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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