Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize