Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
