he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Michael Bay diarrhea
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
