so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
