Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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