drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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