No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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