How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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