He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize