Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
