dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
