I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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