all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
How does one acquire holy water?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize