i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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