Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
