My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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