I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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